I gotta be honest, the
Sharktopus debate was way more interesting than the Sharktopus
review. The problem is the plot,
while simultaneously amusing and predictable, is so similar to other
movies in the giant shark/octopus hybrid genre, that it doesn't
justify describing. My plan is to provide just enough info so you're
equipped for the debate.
Plot
- Killer
shark-octopus
hybrid,
named S11, is created by scientists as a military weapon.
- S11
shakes off his maniacal manacles, goes berserk in the Caribbean.
- Sharktopus-loving
scientists
want
to
protect
the
misunderstood beast,
while
trigger-happy
military
types
plot
its
destruction.
 |
| "The misunderstood beast" |
Sharktopus
Capabilities
-
The
many-toothed
head
of
the
shark
delivers
maximum
dismemberment/carnage;
- The
octopus
legs
allow
it
to
grab
its
victims
and
feed
them
directly
into
the
shark
mouth;
- The
barbed
legs
of
the
octopus
portion
allow
the
Sharktopus
to
stab
or
decapitate
its
foes;
- The
hydrodynamic
shape
of
the
shark
head,
coupled
with
the
burst
speed
of
the
octopus
tentacles
allows
the
Sharktopus
to
move
incredibly
quickly
in
the
water;
- When
Sharktopus is threatened, he can disguise his flight by muddying the
waters with ink;
- Sharktopus
has
no
problems
breathing
in
or
out
of
the
water;
and
- The
octopus
legs
allow
the
Sharktopus
to
climb
obstacles,
and
even
walk
on
land.
 |
“The
barbed
legs
of
the
octopus
portion
allow
the
Sharktopus
to
stab
or
decapitate
its
foes”
|
Are
you with me? Because this is where things start to break down.
We've got serious disagreement about the capacity of the Sharktopus
to move on land. The
first
school
of
thought
is
that
the
Sharktopus
has no trouble getting around out of the water. He/she's actually
extremely
nimble
and
quick.
The
second school of thought is that the Sharktopus is awkward and
unseemly on land, lethal, horrible and slow.
Sharktopus is fast on land
Notice the sheer lengths of the octopus legs in the following shot
of Sharktopus going kraken on a sail boat. We're talking appendages
at least twenty feet long, possibly more. Therefore, the
Shaktopusses' stride would rival the most long-legged non-mutant
animals on the planet, such as the giraffe. While designed for
underwater mayhem, obviously the Sharktopus can cover a huge distance
with a single step.
 | ||
| "We're talking appendages at least twenty feet long, possibly more". |
Further to the pro high land speed argument is the obvious power and
torque of the Sharktopusses' rubbery limbs. Seen scaling the rigging
of ships and other obstacles, the Sharktopus might travel by hauling
itself forward with the foremost tentacles. Perhaps the Sharktopus
could achieve a Dr. Octopus or Spiderman level of speed and agility
with this method. If so, it's highly likely he/she would be able to
outrun a human being, particularly in an urban setting.
 |
| "Seen scaling the rigging of ships and other obstacles" |
Sharktopus is slow on land
Another stance is that the Sharktopus is a chassis built for
destruction, not speed. The massive size and weight of the Shark
body/head clearly skews the centre of gravity for the mutant beast as
seen in the pic below. Lacking a suitable counterweight in its
octopus hindquarters, the sharktopus on land, while terrifying, is an
awkward beast. This awkwardness exists before you even consider that
the Sharktopus is gobbling up human beings in a hideous feeding
frenzy. Those unfortunate victims are only increasing the weight of
the shark head/body, and throwing off the balance further.
 |
| "The Sharktopus is a chassis built for destruction, not speed." |
What about tentacles? Even with the normal suction-cup variety, the
tentacle isn't designed for land transportation, but the
Sharktopusses' tentacles are topped with spear-like barbs, for even
less traction. So where exactly does the rubber hit the road?
Considering this limitation, and how his/her octopus-body lacks a
skeleton, the fact that Sharktopus has mastered even slow locomotion
on land is incredible.
So whaddya think? Do you think you could outrun the Sharktopus?
Maybe you need to borrow the DVD?
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